Good bye to 2011

Say hello to 2012 and say good bye to 2011. Flashing back to year 2011, I was broke my working life record. I have been working for around 8 months; almost a year. I really appreciated.

But now, I'm planing for something. Since, I'm getting unhappy with this type of working environment, that mean i need to make a change. In the same time, that mean I have to start from the beginning again.

要放；放不下！

事情过了那么久，我还是放不下你。其实你知道吗？我只是比较被动。我喜欢你是真的。或许你感觉不到。可是我真的很想告诉你说我喜欢的人是你。TZyy. 我知道你心，你的人还有你的脑……全部都是她的背影。我只能感叹自己为什么那么笨，不知道当时其实是在给彼此机会。

可是那又怎么呢？过去了就是过去了。你也找到你想要的女孩子吧！而且还是跟我有血缘关系的呢！我的心好痛！因为我相信如果是真心喜欢对方的话，总会等待着对方，追求对方和互相关心。我……就是那个失败的例子吧！他， Tzyy永远不会知道这个秘密。因为，他，不曾了解过我。

听人说，最遥远的距离就是你就在我面前可是心却离我很远。我已经没有想那么多了。我跟她。可能可以说是破镜很难重圆。朋友？同事？很迷茫。曾经以为人与人相处可以很简单，可是我却觉得很难相处。尤其是与她。同住一个屋檐下，我觉得自己真得快要窒息了。是我变了吗？变得不知道如何和别人相处？还是我根本就不曾学会过。

该说我太大女人主意还是我太过于自负呢？我想两者兼施吧！为什么我的剧情会演变成这个样子？我也不知道。让自己身陷在其中，真的不好意思。对不起自己。

感想

现在我看着一部台湾剧。里面的女主叫是个男人婆。我在想为什么她会让两个男的都那么喜欢她呢？曾经我喜欢的人，我知道我是没有机会再与他继续前缘。因为我知道她会满足他吧！他是真的喜欢她吧！我不想去那个地方。我不想看见他。因为我怕看见他我会又再动情。

我好想让他知道我喜欢他。可是我没有那个勇气。故意的制造自己有同性恋的倾向。以为……那样会让自己好过一点。同时我知道我渐渐的伤害他。可是我把自己想得太伟大了吧！他根本就没有为我伤神。我想我还是把自己的感情收在没有会发现的地方吧！好辛苦！

那些年，我们一起追过的女孩。

那些年我们一起追过的女孩。这部电影真的是不错看。里面的剧情让我回忆了不少。虽然我没有类似的经验，可是我又如感同身受。它，很让我羡慕，为什么会有这样精彩的高中生活。而我？感觉上好像是浪费了我的10多年的青春。直到现在。

那天我与我的同事再说话：

同事A：Shiney, 你有再吃东西了。

Shiney：东西卖了不吃就会坏掉了。

后来就惹来一阵阵的笑声。

同事A：你有说要减肥？

Shiney：不吃饱哪来的力气减肥？

就这样我说的话就成为了结束的尾声。

今天是我第一次自己驾车到附近的一家百货商场.哇~~~突然觉得自己好厉害哦……哈哈……

大病痊愈

这个月还真得倒霉。为什么我会那么说呢？很简单！我辛苦赚回来的钱都花到意想不到的地方。连续生了两场病。可怜的我。可是我好奇的是，为什么我却没有瘦到呢？唉~~真得胖了好多。完蛋了！

铁人也会有生锈的一天

我原本天真以为身为一名铁人就不会有倒下的一天。没想到就在这个时候那个自认是铁人的人倒下了。发烧都有几天了。除了我那亲爱的同事之外，没什么人关心我。哈哈……大概吧！全部人都认为铁人改走，消失在这世界上。铁人也会有生锈的一天。

Who knows

Since I enter my career live across 8 months, i think. What would happen if I stopped working? No body know what I feel and care your feeling. But lucky is I have two friends who are ready to borrow me their shoulder and who is willing listen to me. i know that I'm wasting my time. I know that now I'm can't do any comment to my live.

The dream wish to have a colorful life which is destroyed. Because I know I could not reached it. The mountain how high I not scare, but what I make me afraid is when I reached the peak It is dizzy. You are the winner in the same time you also be a looser. Why? Because you got nothing with you. No body sharing the happiness with you.

I know i got simple image in this company. But I hate this feeling! I not simple but I try to pretending I'm harmless people. I'm wondering. I wonder. Who know me? I'm the weakness. I'm the looser.

What my life going to be? What will happen the next?

委屈；搬家。

终于我搬家了。不知是因为不习惯的关系还是我多心。我感觉到某些东西。 怎么说呢？很难说。你知道吗？帮我搬家的认识我正在处心积虑要对付的人。没错就是10年妖精。我很感谢她。在商场，我的社会大学里……该怎么说呢？我也不会说。

最近发生了一件事。我不知道该怎么解决的一件事。或许我还不够狠吧！毕竟我的社会大学经验还浅。到底我该怎么做？怎么做才能一石二鸟？两全其美？我好想……好想……有个朋友，马上来载我走。就算两个小时也好。让我静静的想一想。好好的想象。

女强人也会有眼泪？

我以为女强人没有眼泪。所以我选择了这一条路。到底是女强人没有眼泪还是在流泪的时候不让人看见？其实我没有你想象的那么坚强。我只是习惯用我的微笑去遮掩着一切。我好累！失败！读的书不多，考的试也不少。我就是这样的女生。习惯把所有东西挂在我的肩膀。有谁会知道？有谁会伸出援手？这个世界就是如此的残酷。

也许这是上天给我的考验吧！我真的活的好累。我的肩膀上的重任，在什么时候才能放下？原本很骄傲的觉得自己不再会流眼泪。可是为什么昨天我的眼泪不小心流了出来了呢？可恨的自己！想问问看自己什么时候才能变成钢铁人？拥有金刚不坏自身？

Cruel

I would stress for this month due to I have spend some of my money for the rental of the apartment. It is huge and heavy for me. I'm thinking why am I so stupid... I was thinking am should not make this step... Am thinking... where to make money. Why everything I have to always from the beginning again, again and again again...

Well, I have face to the reality. The reality always is cruel. Yeah~~ I'm right. It is cruel. But me not cruel so I might lost. Yes, I'm loose...

Boyzone - Every Day I Love You

I know I just can keep this sentence inside my heart.

brains needs to shut down

Every month end is my broken period. Poor. Yeah~~~ its poor...... yes! I am poor. I got no $$. So I would not following the trends. Yes! I am poor so that I could not do whatever I want. Yes! I am poor so that I cannot go through my dream easily. My dream? haha... My dream never come true. I never had a dream come true. People may asking why are you so emotion? Not I been, it real. What am I doing here? Say work, it is not I want! Say study, it also not I wanted. It not easy to get closer to my dreams. I needs higher. I needs energy. I needs supports. Well~ People who don't know me might think that I'm ego. Yet, they will think I am run off the reality. But, what fault you have a dream even it might not happen?

I'm feel tiring to think again. Let my mind shut off for awhile.

21岁的愿望

现在已经是九月天了。为什么我会突然想到21岁的愿望了呢？或许对你来说21只是普通的数字。可是，我却在意21这个数目字。我的出身平凡；我没有要求自家的父母给我金钥匙。因为我知道我的父母没有那个能力。可是，打从心底我希望我有。21岁……我最希望的是什么呢？

其实我的愿望很简单。我希望自已能给我的家人更好的生活。也希望自己不要放弃自己的生活。见工的时候，雇主总是会问：为什么你那么年轻就出来社会大学呢？我的答案往往都是：我家负担不起。

再过三个月我就要告别21岁的生活了。踏入22岁。为什么我会觉得越来越无力？越来越没有动力？这种生活不是我想要的。我时常在想，为什么别人家的孩子总是可以到处去玩。而我？拼命工作，把自己的身心累着了。为什么？我好想有一个长假，让我可以和朋友好好的聚在一起，一起玩；一起笑；一起去探险……可惜，我知道，这种生活或许只能出现在我梦里吧！我还有好多地方没有去呢！

ps：我是真的好累。累了……倦了……我只想找个肩膀让我靠一靠，难道真的有那么难吗？

17.09.2011

昨天，我拥有一个很开心的约会。虽然这个约会不怎么华丽，可是却是我这些日子以来比较轻松愉快的约会。其实，自从我来了这家公司上班，我的压力有增无减。昨天，向我的朋友吐了一肚子的苦水。其实我也不知道自己哈拉了些什么。哈哈……算了吧！我只是很抱歉。我的朋友们看见我都远离我。真的很抱歉，担扰了你们。

我总是在想，无论我发生什么事你们总是听我吐苦水。我真的谢谢你们。昨天我们聊得东西真的好多。可惜，我人，老了……走不动了。

我总是要逃避。到底我要避到什么时候？错的时间与上对的人。在对的时间遇上错的人。我喜欢的他，却不能告诉他。因为他可能已经心有所属。他的生活多姿多彩，有一句话可能可以形容他的身边的情况吧！

你的身边总有人捧花拥挤。

那么我凭什么意义打败情敌，大声地说你是我的唯一？

ps：我喜欢你，你却不知道。可悲。当初如果不是自己的迟钝和心不在焉。我想，当你send please Stay with me --- YUI的歌给我时，应该就知道了吧！我真笨。呵呵……

不开心、好累……

自从来到这儿工作，我每天都在问我有没有做错事。那天，我向一位我比较信任、年龄有相仿的同事说了我的这个问题。她的一句无心之说：又做错了！我很气馁！可能老实的一句吧！我真的不适合这份工作。也不适合这种工作。我不懂！真的不懂！

这份工作，我觉得很累。每天都提心吊胆的过日子。我真的很失败吧！呵呵……做什么事都半途而废。一事无成！自从进了这间公司我不知道我到底在做什么，我的时间是怎么过的……好累！好累！

Trip

刚从hari raya放假回来，觉得特别累。为什么？因为我的时差关系。哈哈……在假期里，我很幸运有的去Cameron Highland散心。心情的确是好很多。我好希望，我能与我的朋友们一同去。可惜，我不知道这个梦什么时候才会发生？是该期待还是别奢望？

Cameron Trip

These are my second times been in Cameron highland. In this three days trip, I feel relax. Unfortunately,time passed so fast... Needs to go back work on Monday. Tired!!! Could I stop this stress and working live???

心情低落

我知道人生中一定有很多挫折。可是，当你力不从心的时候， 真的是一种折磨。其实我真的不知道自己要的什么。知道了却又得不到。那个时候我真的觉得自己超级没有用的。难道我是笨蛋？难道我是白痴？？？ 看来离他们不远。

看来我真的不适合这个工作。 看来我比白痴还要白痴！为什么人家可以比我好？为什么人家可以那么聪明？我呢？却什么也做不到！

ps：不知道为什么心情很低落。。。

我讨厌！我恨！

原来，今天我才发现我那么的不受欢迎。赫赫……可悲！

原来今天我才知道躲在我背后说我的人，在我面前对我笑的人是同一个人。

什么是恐龙妹？什么‘猪油炸’？？？我好讨厌！我好恨！我讨厌那个名词！我也恨在背后说我的人。

其实我并不介意你在我面前那样说我！问我！我已经习惯别人说我大只或者人家问我为什么那么你长得那么大只！可是我很介意！真的很介意！！！你为什么那样说我？我没有男友那又意味着什么？可能他们会认为我这个那么大只得恐龙妹没有资格资格爱别人吧！或者根本就没有人会喜欢我！哈哈……我现在单身的生活不就验证了吗？

原来我真的那么的无能！！呵呵……恐龙妹，有错吗？？？

私生活

一个人的私生活有那么重要吗？什么？你是不是同性恋？是！又如何？为什么你要一次又一次的去伤害他们？我不能否定！更加不能确定。其实，他们也是需要受保护的。我是单身、不是也罢！喜欢男的喜欢女的。也不管你的事。别再瞎猜了。。。就算我对你有兴趣，那也只是暂时罢了。

我知道我没有资格爱别人。可是我也知道我更加没有资格去伤害谁。所以我决定放弃了。哈哈……你是我喜欢的，可是我却越来越不欣赏你。你太不脚踏实地了！你太不实际了！你回国那么久了，还在游手好闲！我看错你了！！！我会放手！

我真笨

人家说我天真。原来意思是指我笨！其实我真的很笨。笨得无可救药。shiney已经不再shining了。我觉得痛苦的是不知道怎么一开始就戴上面具。高兴的是我知道该怎么戴上面具。

You're OUT！！！！

我很好奇，为什么我最近的生活一团糟！无论工作上的问题还是别的问题。

我感动的是原来我的service manager有留意到我在办公室里的一举一动。包括我备受人家的轻视和藐视。当他告诉我，原来他又注意到的时候我真的被愣了一下，原因很简单。真的没有想到他……会知道。所以从下个月开始我会搬到楼下和我的engineers们坐在一起。不要以为这是很简的事情。他的条件和理由让我帮下去坐的是我必须搞好spare part的东西！啊！！！！！！！！！！我又要头晕了。不过至少，我安静了。

昨天我和10年妖精吵架了。我跟她说：如果你一直说我没有improvement那么你就炒我吧！哈哈……我终于说口了。她真的越来越过分，所以我才会那么做。什么叫做她对我来说已经没有用了的？什么叫做她有没有在office都不要紧的。而且还是在我的engineer面前那样说。

她认为那个trainee做的filling好过我。现在问题来了。他filled错完了。要从新弄过了。哈哈……不知道她有没有惭愧之心。

ps：我不能说什么。我能说得只有人在做天在看。我会证明给你看，你是错的！you are out!!!

Just give me a place to release

When I first join in this company. I feel it is good for me because I can learn something. But now I feel tire. Not only because of I needs to finished my job within one day but the most make me tired is I do not know how to monitor my relationship.

What does it mean by I do not have improvement? Did you have? Is that I really so stupid? Today, I heard again. I got not improvement. I'm now serious to think of I will leave this company. She always wish that I can off from this company.

Yesterday, I heard one of my friend go back to study. I feel so jealous for her. I wish I can so. Study..... You also not that good. How could you request people to support you?

ps: Just give me a place to release.

猜不透

你有听过叮当的猜不透吗？里面有两句我很喜欢。如果忽远忽近的洒脱是你要的自由，那我宁愿回到一个人生活；如果​忽冷忽热的温柔是你借口，那我宁愿对你从没认真过。越是在乎的人​，越是猜不透。。。

为什么我会喜欢这两句话？这两句话其实我是很想对某个人说。如果跟我比较亲近的朋友都会知道吧？或许我是比较迟钝的吧！过后才发现我……其实是那么的喜欢他。可是那又能怎样呢？人家有的是条件。那么多身材好有美丽的女生围绕。我算什么嘛？哈哈……什么也不是。

越是在乎的人越是猜不透。究竟你对我忽冷忽热，忽近忽远。。。我累了！算了吧！放弃了！你！就把你丢掉我的另一个角落吧！不重要了。

02.08.2011

01.08. 2011 I was gastric.

02.08.2011 I was visited a klinik nearby.

It really painful...

Why i visit the clinic? Because I want the MC and take it to claim...

After that, I have an ice-cream as well... yummy yummy...

ps: Well, this is the first time I go for doctor without mummy...

27.07.2011

Today....What is the story???

I happy that I have 1 or 2 friends sharing my life story. I really cherish for that.

Today, in the meeting, one of my colleague asking me a question, she said...

Y: Shiney, actually I wants to ask you a question. Are you recently in stress? It might related with you personal problem... but you also can not answer to this question.

Shiney: erm....( my heart telling me, cover...you needs to wear mask to protect yourself). No, actually it nothing just feel some stress.( I can't tell you, because I'm not believe on you guys anymore)

Y: ok loh...

Her face was showing to me, she not believe me. Yeah~~ I know. But I really don't wants to share. Somehow in front of my manager. She is believing to 'HER'. Anywhere, a hole in my heart is painful. I try to treat it, but still hard to cure. I think I needs sometimes.

When on the way back, my manager told me... She given some signal for me. I also given some signal. This situation like playing some game. Its called 'HEART TALK'. You needs to know very good strategies to protect your heart and when you get attached you have to learn hoe to cure it in short while and try to hired your truth face in front.

Manager: Shiney, don't think that you are not important. Actually, you are important. You can helps your service manager and those service engineers.

I think it is my "BAG". A very heavy bag...

ps: I feel tired to play the game. If not continues playing, I will get 'shot' deeply and kit out from the game. Forever, I won't success in my life.

同性恋

今天是星期一。一个全新的开始。上个星期可能是我的挑战吧！很多事情发生。事情的发展弄得我好累。好累。。我不知道要想谁去倾诉。。可是我唯一对不起的是我做错了。我在这间公司里竟然变成同性恋者。哎~~算了吧！反正我都习惯了。就算我没有提及同性恋的事情，他们也会把握联想到哪一方面。我真的搞不懂……为什么他们会那么想。搞不懂！算了吧！

果然

看完了我朋友的故事。我的心情突然变得很沉重。我不知道怎么形容我现在的心情。这种心情有些像得到了自己想要的答案可是却像忽略的答案。

优于还记得我们相遇知的那一年是十二岁。或许你比我早注意到我，可是从小在男人堆里打混的我，没有去注意到你渺小得你。六年级我们认识，你是多么的男人婆，与我不相上下。你告诉我说：你从小到大不喜欢穿裙子。唯一穿裙子时就是去学校的时候，可是你还是有穿短裤在里边。

中学时期,你和我可以算是不打不相识的。那时你为了保护我也为了保护我们，你出手。我只是半夜一个小角色在旁儿看着你。原来我也有那个荣幸认识那么有男子气概的女生。还记得，我不小心让你们看见我流泪，你心疼的样子。。。我错觉了。你压抑着自己。我当时还傻傻的以为你是真心的为了我而心疼。（其实你不是，你心疼的模样与别人的不一样。你隐藏着某种某种不能告诉人的秘密吧！）。

为什么我总开玩笑说：I think I'm lessbian.是因为我发觉你对lessbian这个字眼很敏感。你敏感时候，从事压抑着自己。我尝试了好多次想让你释放出来。可是都失败了。

记得有一次你告诉我你有秘密瞒着我，我告诉你说：Take your time。当你想告诉我的时候再告诉我。其实我是在逃避。

没有想到，我的猜测是真的。

ps：当时我是多么的希望你不是。我会接受全新的你，若果你真的……真的……确定自己没有错番木瓜感情。

Nothing Special

Recently.... nothing special.... haha....

What to write? So much of thing but do know where to begin...

Lazy to write or do want to write?

Is forgotten what to write....

Whatever.... No one is reading my blog.

One thing happened on yesterday was I'm flu....

好累！

做人为什么要那么累？我现在才真正的了解……真的是我的错吗？

What does it mean? That mean you work along this time got no improvement.

It is I really not improve? My performance is not that good? I follow everything you are given. I not following then you many ideas... I follow ended up is my fault and you said I not improving. What you needs me too do for you? How can I improve myself? What does you mean by I got no improvement?

I feeling so tired here. I can't share my idea. I know you are working for 10 years long but can you please upgrade your mind?Please try to accept much idea from new even they are no working experience? Can you please look for the idea seriously?

ps: Well I know..... you impossible to do that....

well

Well~~~ thinking what to write.

Well~~~ too much of things needs to write down.

Well~~~ where am beginning mine story.

Well~~~ why been upset?

Well~~~why been happy while you are upset?

Well~~~tiring.

Well~~~nothing will deal with it.

Well~~~ mask-ed.

Well~~~how?

Well~~~the conclusion.

ps: Well.....

20.06.2011

今天……

E: Hey, wanna go out have dinner with me?

Shiney: okay. Where?

E: At the back of our house?

Shiney: How about we go Pyramid eat Lao You Guai Guai?

E: Ok.

回到家，换了一件衣服就出门。

Ice Skating....

Shiney: Wanna have lesson?

E: I think it might be expensive. It depend on who you chose to become your coach.

Shiney: Oic....

E: got international and also local.

Shiney: I think when I just go in, just touch the floor then fall down first. ( kesian my ass)

E: If back ass never mind, but later in front how??? ( boobs so suddenly pain)

Shiney: I think this is small case. No matter falling down in front or back pain. If your leg one go left one go right then....( Oh goash....Oh my lady gaga.... don't want to imaging any more.)

Conclusion: Give up with taking ice skating's lesson. Go back to learn leg splitting.

When came back from pyramid.

Shiney: 那个玉蜀黍好香噢！

E：玉蜀黍？？？

Shiney：玉蜀黍。Jagung. Corn....

E: ooooooooo...............................要买吗？

Shiney：买了……Rapid不给在车上吃。等下你享受到一般怎么办？

E：是么？

Shiney：会被罚钱啦！

E：真的？我不知道。

Shiney：真的啦！他给你拿上车不是好啦！有时他不给的叻！

E：噢，那还要不要？

Shiney：你要不要？……好香噢！

E：你买我就买咯！

Shiney：走啦！我们去买。

Bus Coming....Dropped in front of Subang Summit...

Shiney: 哪，你的。（咬了一口）。好甜噢！

E：嗯……可是，不大好吃。

Shiney 和 E 走路回宿舍。奇怪，为什么后面有一盏灯，可是又不像车灯？

Shiney：E……走近来一点。

E：噢……

两个女生就站在路边等了一会儿。

为什么他走得那么慢？还来不及思考，那辆摩托骑士把摩托车骑的离奇的靠近。吓了E一跳。事后两人快步的走回宿舍。

Conclusion: 庆幸的是我们没有带包包出门。不然就真的被抢了。

Job

Once people feel wants to quit for the job which meaning having big problem but cannot talk out. I wondering why people said working is the best comparing with studying. If my Dad are rich, got money, I think I will continue with my education. Like now, when I don't wants to take ove the job I give the reason they reject.

I wants to change my seat. I regreting because they ask me before but I don't wants to move however, when new staff coming sit beside of me I feel that she is noice. She even.... Why she bully me? Why she try to spoil me and my superior's relation?

I does'nt mean that. I did not present any mening in my talk but why she thinking over? I really don't want to sit with her.

Heart pain！！

今天，我的小cousin打破了一罐令人心疼得Mayonise。 从记忆里看来那罐被打破的Mayonise应该被开了没有多久。

不被认同……

我知道是我的愚蠢。我知道我的经验的却不足。我知道我时常被人抓痛脚。我还在学习当中。我知道我不能让人取信，可是你们至少要把我的错误告诉我啊！我知道知识界没有那么好的senior. 我现在终于体会到，为什么之前的同事都同一时间辞职不做。也知道为什么他们会告诉我没有多少个人会做超过半年。我现在终于知道了。

不被认同。不被信任。还是把它当成粉笔字抹掉吧！

You know what is tired

You know what is tired? You know what is needs to be strong? You know how it is work? You know?

You know how to grow up? You know what is feel sorry and do not know how to say sorry? After say sorry to the person it nothing do with the thing the was happened? I know anyone also will did some mistake but... You now how to avoid. However for me, this stupid + foolish do not know. And so happy living in peaceful condition.

In such of level to said sorry, you will feel tired and listener also will feel annoying and tiring.

ps: Shiney, you are really....too happy.....you are so ''SMART''!!!

What can I do?????

People said 21052011 is world end. However, I still alive in this world. What can be? Haha... I wishes it is coming also don't. Much of around me, do not accept the facts is the world changing.

However, it is also 'WORLD END' happened in today. I have apply to quit for Neuro department. I stay in service. I do not know whether this department is suit for me or not. I do not know which department I should take.

In service department, I have little work. But in Neuro is not much of things but I scare. I not confidence. Everyone are ask me: Shiney, you can or not? Unfortunately, I do not know. I needs to do filling, GRN, all product, master report PO..... I more scare is LPO ( Government PO). This PO having deadline. I totally no idea. If I continue stay in service it is wasting my time. If take over Neuro, I scare to move a step.

However, my manager is high expecting me. I'm so sorry, I disappointing you. All f the things are messy around my mind.

ps: What can I do??????

How could our boss....

Last was Sunday, but I still tired and sleepy... Why am i so tiring? So hardworking???

Today is Wednesday, always work after 7pm something. Today got back home 8 pm. It is so tiring. Somehow, boss accuse you thing? And the most stupid person is me... Me do not notice what is happening around me. When they are solved the problem then only I know.

What did you feel if your boss keep asking you something? I really do not get any pieces of paper from my college. Might be my thinking is so simple? Stupid girl!!!!!

ps: I really stupid...

A busy Saturday

Today is Saturday. Normally I use my beautiful Saturday and Sunday stay at home. But, now, what I do is I stay in the office working. Started from 9am until now almost 7pm. I still cannot finish my work. Therefor, tomorrow, Sunday. I think I will come here and work again. What I will do in tomorrow? I think is my Neuro's Department job.

Currently, I really tiring. I still not confidence for my Neuro's Department job...

Anywhere, yesterday I had receipted a call from my college. He said that he had the cup I collecting now. haha... Feel so happy...so happy...happy......

ps: I wants watch movie...who can watch with me?

无力感！

在我开始认真付出在我的工作岗位的这一段时间里，确实我学会了很多。我很感谢同事们对我的宽容【虽然我不知道面具地下究竟是隐藏着什么的样子】可是，我是真心的谢谢你们。对于我自己的不成熟，我无言以对。对不起。可是我会试着努力地把自己的思想不再那么的单纯。

我还在考虑。到底自己能不能胜任两个部门的工作。别人怀疑我的能力，现在我也是怀疑着自己的能里。别人看见的我很自信，可是真实的我呢？

ps:我到底踩着谁的尾巴了？为什么……他们……

闷热

那天的傍晚，一场车祸发生在我的面前。我不是怕看见血腥的画面。只是，觉得有点接受不了发生在眼前的事实。

这两天闷热的天气令我睡不好。可以说根本就没有睡觉。没有的睡觉对我来说真的是个很大很大的问题。哈哈……我可以不吃，不喝……就是不能不睡。。。

Midvalley

久违了，Midvalley。 今天，我在mid valley走了一天。很开心可以见到我的旧同事。她……瘦了好多哦！是不是被气瘦了呢？哈哈……听到她丢了信，心里很是祝福。我希望她能够找到更好的。今天，我们两就这样看了两场电影。嗯…………有点失望。因为，电影没有预期的好看。感觉上，好像浪费我的钱。 哈哈……算了吧！得以见到朋友是幸福的。

ps:好期待下一次的见面呢！ 呵呵…………

拼什么？

拼什么？ 我在拼什么？每天上班都是拖着疲倦的身体回家。眼睛……都快了的看不清楚了。
在公司里，每个都把我当小孩子看待。因为我最小。哈哈……最多人疼爱。他们也没什么为难我。可是，我还不至于笨到傻傻的被人吃豆腐吧？

我希望你记住。离我远远的。死色狼！！说话就说话不要动手！我虽然单身在外，可是你也不能那样！表面上的坚强，我还能支撑多久？这个面具。。。还能维持多久？坚持多久呢？

What's a day....

最近我的日子是怎么度过的？我也不知道。我的时间真的不够用。我的工作其实不多，可是过程复杂，所以用到的时间很多。

呼……我真的觉得我好累，可是同时我也觉得我很充实。

ps: Too tired...

Tired..

What am I doing recently???Hehe....I working so hard. Did you notice? haha I dont think so. Even me also no time spend to my friends. In my work place I really needs to learn a lot from 0 to 100. Like I been in Kindergarden. How to speak? How to write and how to read. Still got a lot of things...Still needs some of the time.

Company policy is from 8.30am until 5.30.But now, in this types of condition. I have no choice. I am still new for the company. Every things are new for me. Excepted, they are people leaving for the company. Due to, the admin's position are short 2 places. So me and another work the other two person's job as well. Every day, I do not know my time passing so fast. I not even touch my actual department's job then it already 530pm. Until now, I back everyday in between at around 630 until 8 o'clock something. ( I asked my collage, she told me got no OT replace....)

Arh...What I needs now is a day to sleep without any stress, without any noise.

ps: Is it can be???????

I am sorry that

Today I'm not happy. Am I tired? Am I stupid? Why always these type of questions came into my mind? I really don't know people. How to looked into people's heart is what's color? What are inside their mind?

Is it because of my mouth faster then my brain so that I noob? I am so sorry. I sorry that I could not help you. I sorry that I am slow. I so sorry that I still brainless.

T.T....Tear also useless, no one is care for you also no one is think of you and look at you...

phone N8

老爸，高兴得用最便宜的价钱买了一架N8回来。（RM400.00）。

爸：要不要卖你两百块。

琪：好用的吗？拿来玩下……

五分钟后，

琪: 翻版货。

爸：什么哦？真的啊！要不要，两百块。

琪：不要。你去问姐姐他们。

************************************************************************************

一个星期后，

爸：莹，要不要？我卖给你三百块。

琪：起价了？

莹：什么东西起价了？

爸：三百块，这架电话。

莹：N8???（没有什么兴趣）

爸：你看一下，很好用的。很好玩的。

莹：拿来研究一下。（Touch screen 的。为什么按来按去按不到的？）给回你。我不要。中国 货。

妈：这架机是人家偷偷从场里偷出来卖的。在油站边的。如果爸爸那时候有钱就两架买回来了。

莹：好彩没有买。

妈：它是真的。只是没有charger 和耳机而已。

爸：是真的。 要不要我卖给你两百块。

莹：我存钱取买iphone 还好。没有那么激心。

爸：可以拉到的。很想iphone.

莹：爸，算了了。四百块你浪费了。你拿去卖给外劳拿回那四百块还好啦。。。

爸：惨咯！白白浪费了四百块。

>.<''

我现在逐渐了解为什么他们会为了‘一个人’而离职。 原来……如此……可是，我又能忍到什么时候呢？ 之前，我的manager问我要不要挑战两个人的工作。我接受了。现在好累。可是我很充实。我是不会放弃service department的。问题是我一个人做两个人的工作。为什么要求我要八点上班？六点下班？而且薪水才给我不是很多。我不满意。如果是那样我不要了。我宁愿呆在我的原有部门里，service department。难得轻松自在。 ps:我并不是傻。而是我不开口。我并不是不会算，而是我不想算。我并不是不懂，而是不想懂的太多我不应该懂的事。

这叫做充实的人生

最近真的好累。为什么？因为我很多东西做。可能在别人眼里，我是个贪钱的人。可是，是真的吗？如果那间公司不值得我付出那么我也没有必要为了钱而作出努力吧！哈哈……不过我倒很享受这种生活吧！ 至少充实。

不过这种生活，真的很累，很累，很累……

Busy job...busy day...

Today a busy day. How to say? I wake up at 6am( for no reason), went out to work at 8 am. When I reached home was 830 pm. Not feel tired. In this whole day, I'm doing a lot of things. In the same time, my colougue also assits me. Thank you for her. However, I still have pending some the things. So tomorrow I needs to continues. Today, I did some mistake due to my careless. I aware that I really suitable become a girl. You know why? Those people say that girl careful. But I totaly not suit use on me. haha...Why not I be a boy???? ps: upset!!!

王八蛋！！！！！

心里很不平衡。因为人际的关系，所以同时间有两个admin一起辞职！所以，新人的我要承担两个部门的事情。比较重的负担。我……其实很喜欢。我的manager叫我remain as service admin but taken as neuro department. However I no needs to take care sales department. 可是，不知内情的人是不会知道我在做些什么的。我需要的时间去适应还要去学。因为每个department都有不一样的东西。 很累人…… 每个部门有不一样的做法。 Salesman不知道我们程序。很好奇，我不会包东西很出奇吗？你有什么资格？ 有什么资格责备我？我是真的不要也不想！为什么要逼我？你骂什么呀？要不是我忍工够好，我想你已经吃了拳头吧！试试想想：我只说不要包你的东西，没有说不要做你的东西。其他的东西我都可以帮你哦！你那么大反应干嘛？ 我不是你部门的admin都那么尽力帮你，你连句谢谢也没有！我还有我的东西要做的！你凭什么？？？！！！！！王八蛋！！！！凭什么！！！！！我刚进你的公司，什么东西都要从新开始吸收。你不能拿我跟你即将要走的admin相比！ 毕竟她做了快半年了！！！当然会比我熟！ 什么嘛？？！！ 王八蛋！！！！

那就这样吧

那就这样吧！看来我们都结束了。哈哈……这首歌是我无意间发现的。

How to communicate with Engineers????

can tell me why???

can tell me how???

can tell me the truth???

Since from Valentine I working until now almost two month plus plus...But why i still slow?

My job field major is relative to engineers. Which mean I become engineers's secretary. However, it sound good right. But I still cannot join their conversation. Why??? Is it because of the one? [ Si fei jing???] I know most of them are already Cuci kepala by her. But... you still cannot avoid me because you needs to deal with me.

Feel some tired. I don't dare to say I do perfect work but what I can promise you is I can try my best to follow up with you. I understand what you say if you explain to me. Don't threaten me like an idiot or UFO....

ps: Annoying. How can I communicate with you??? Tell me please!!!!!!!!!

you might say I'm crazy...

Yes, I do!

you might say I'm lazy...

Yes, I do!

you might say I busy...

Yes, depend on...

So what is the problem?

怎样的主人会训练出怎样的跟班。

I feel so upsad today. I working for this company around one month.
I feel so sorry for my services engineers because I yet cannot provide any service for them. I disappointing about my own present. It is I really failure? They not even ask me help. Is it I'm really hard to understanding? Is it I let them feeling I am a stupid? Brainless person?

But they can't even know me. They cannot even know me.They not even try to knows my feeling. Although I am new for them,although I know I cannot help them for many things but the simple and easy you can tell me. For example you ask me go where to take thing I can find....

You know you are troubling me... when you ask the other admin to do 'service admin' s thing. I try to help you to skip the trouble in management when you were not reported me where you go. But in the same time can you please don't let me feel that I am useless in the office? I not the person you thinking of in your mind....

ps:怎样的主人会训练出怎样的跟班。你要怎样的员工是你自己训练出来的。。。。

糟糕！遭殃的会是我吧！

来到这里上班我无言。因为比起之前我工作的公司，我的确要好很多。可是，我不了解的是为什么你要为了一个你不喜欢的同事而辞职呢？难道你跟一个同事很要好，他走你也走吗？你是为了谁而工作呢？我不懂。或许我没有资格，没有资格批评别人。或许有一天我也会有这样的遭遇。

其实，人与人之前是靠沟通，了解以及相处吧！没有沟通就没有了解。没有想出就没有包容。宽宏大量。代表着什么呢？ 又有多人能够做到？ 公司的部门包括： Sale, admin, service....大概可以这样归类吧！ 每个部门走一个人。

糟糕！遭殃的会是我吧！我应该没有那么惨！ 可怜的是坐我隔壁的。她比我早进来几个月。大部分的东西都学会了。现在，我呢？哈哈……还好吧！ 至少，我还没有学会。应该没有那么可怜。看看似幸灾乐祸？不是。我的立场是中立的。我知道这间公司的潜质还不错。

my BIG DAY

Wao~~~ Today is my BIG DAY... Yesterday I was cerebrated my big day with my friends. Even is not that much of those people but we had a very enjoyable bash. We crazy to spoiled our sore. haha... From 1 in noon sing non stop until 7 evening. May be you will think that this is small case. However, for me is challenging. The most important is this is first time me and my friends can happy and mad without counting too much expenses.

Many thank for you guys. Wishes that we can continue next time.

ps: My birthday wish...

1. Every one around me happy

2. No more disaster.

3. Smooth on my workplace.

明天，我要去唱K啦！

明天，我要去唱K啦！在吉隆坡的某间k房。很期待。虽然我是出了名的走音天后，可是最重要的是开心就好。哈哈……虽然明天我的男朋友们的出席率比较高。那是因为最近跟我的好朋友闹翻了。

算了吧！至少我的哥哥有出席的。有种失望。失望只是我的好朋友们都未能出席。还有某些原因。21岁的生日就这样。算了吧！不重要了。患难见真情。路遥知马力。谁是真的关心我。谁真的有把我放在心上。自己知道。就算一封信息我都满足了。不求别的了。

ps：笑一个吧！^^

即使你有多高的知识

最近我的公司要多请几位新同事。因为我是哪个部门的一分子，所以我得负责某部分的candidate. 不是我以貌取人。而是，那些人真的不怎样。其实我没有权利去批评人家。可是，至少你要给人一个不错的印象啊！我觉得也好奇……念Engineering course出来的人没有被受过training? 当你去应征的时候你最重要的是定。你穿的再好，可是你却因为紧张而说话时发抖，然后说话时，回答不出来。那么你不是比我差。即使你有多高的知识。你的印象很重要。

我怕……我真的害怕……

以前我总是骄傲的告诉我的朋友们，我换工作了。因为我并不害怕。可是，只从我换了这份工作之后，我开始害怕了。我很怕。我第一次有这种感觉。我怕被解雇。哈哈。。。我也有怕的一天。以前我总是告诉那些关心我的朋友，这份工作不适合我。可是现在我怕的是我不能胜任这份工作。我怕……我真的害怕……

对我来说，我不想放弃在这间公司工作的机会。可是，如果自己都不能胜任这个position那么就不要浪费时间去做白日梦。我的梦想不可能会实现了吧！

>.<'' 最近总是很低落。。。原来不轻易服输的性格真的会造成困扰。

当你气消了就结束了

想想看，为什么一个人会弄得你那么的生气？那时因为你在乎那些人。当你对那个人气得无话可说的时候就代表你越在乎那个人。当你气消了就结束了。

面对这群朋友，我好累……好累……好累……

名字叫：shiney的我总是自豪人家为我的名字而读成谐音shining。Shining在字典里的意思是闪亮着。如果我说现在我根本就闪亮不出来。那大部分的原因是因为，最近我为了生日会的事情而跟我的一班朋友们闹翻了。我不知道该怎么办。好不容易确定了时间地点，现在他们却多多话说。太远的到不了，时常去的说闷。新开的却说没钱花不起。太晚的时间却……

我到现在认为，到现在还天真地认为……他们会了解我。看来我错的离谱。超级的离谱。呵呵，当我的老爸骂我少跟这群朋友少来往的时候，我还天真地维护我的朋友。哈哈。。。

>.<''

面对这群朋友，我好累……好累……好累……

不再允许自己的任性。天真与无知。

公司越大闲言闲语越多，同时也意味着明争暗斗的情况也多。心好痛……不过很感谢这份工作。因为它让我要坚强起来。不再允许自己的任性。天真与无知。

上班的第二天

今天，在上班的第二天。很高兴。我虽然还不了解公司的运作。可是，我清楚地感觉到，同事们对我的好。你们大概会说：我还是新人。什么都不会。·他们当然会让我。可是，今天我的公司同事忽然发生了突发事件。会做的同事都帮忙。他们互相帮忙的精神真的令人羡慕。不仅如此，他们没有什么架子。大家有什么问题总是把自己的问题说出来，以便得到更好的方案。不仅如此，大家也可以把自己的想法说出来商讨。 还有，我喜欢这间公司的环境因为他们公私分明。在办公室里，没有什么讲是非。反而，他们是上班做自己的分内事，也没有间他们偷懒还是什么……他们总是能分清楚上班时间及开玩笑的时间。我喜欢他们。

还有今天我的第一次去见我的Account& Admin Manager。 她告诉我我很年轻。跟她的儿子同年。>.<''又是这句话………… 无奈啊！

ps：今天出去吃饭，我很谢谢我的manager。他请吃哦！好喜欢他们。至少不会摆出高高在上的样子。

New live begin...

很多人都对我说为什么你一直不停的换工作？我的原因很简单。因为我正在追求着我所追求的。看来现在真的找到了。这份工作的忙碌应该可以给与我适当的压力吧！挑战性也蛮高的。

ps:我知道凡是不能只看表面。加油！

伟大的抱负，伟大的梦想，伟大的坚持到底……去了哪里？？

曾经有个人问我，为什么我不继续升学？曾经有个人告诉我，你是不是不要读了？活在如今这个世界是一定要有一定的纸。哈哈……我的答案到现在还是一样。我不是不在乎。我也有想过。可是，家境的遗憾，我又能怎么做呢？在家当老大，在外当小人。我一直以为我不在乎。我不在乎别人怎么看我。瞧不起我。因为我只是读到Diploma而已。我一点也不骄傲，也不曾有过放弃继续读书的念头。

我一直以为只要我坚持，我故作坚强地走下去就会有出人头地的一天。既然我选择了这条路，我就知道没有那么简单让你去实现，完成你的梦想。这条路让我很想放弃。可是，我对不起自己。因为我无能实现自己的承诺。我觉得自己很失败。每次跌倒，我都告诉自己这是给自己的一个考验。我一定要经过的。上天给我的考验！

我曾经以为我不会吃醋！不会吃那些有的去国外升学的人。因为我坚信总有一天我也会有那么一天。可是，今天我看了fb。我真的很羡慕。羡慕那些有能力出国深造的同学们。他们往他们的梦想一步一步地接近。我真的很羡慕。

也有个朋友曾经问我。现在做的是什么工作。我觉得自己很丢脸！我很丢脸的不说！因为我知道，入了这一行是不能不继续升学的。你的证书越高就越有机会。而我！！？我知道，我走来走去都只能在这个圈子里。走不出去。难道……这就是我的一生？伟大的抱负，伟大的梦想，伟大的坚持到底……去了哪里？？

我不知道！我好累……好累……不知道自己能坚持到什么时候。

Naughty ' Third Son'

Here is my Third naughty son! But he cute also... Sometime make me wants to punish him but when he show his ' beautiful cute' smile.... Well everything will be change. He can change his face so fast. Especially when he face to the facts. Super fast!

新年

大年初一头一天，家家户户过新年……对啊！我的新年每一年都是一样。没有什么例外。真无聊！该庆幸还是无奈？我的好朋友们竟然不会玩牌。还是他们太吝啬了？他们不赌。其实，一年一次，玩玩又没什么。为什么不放纵自己一下呢？

算了吧！反正我在亲戚那儿赢了不少钱。哈哈……

Yesterday was my suffered day.

Yesterday was my suffered day. Yesterday I force myself stand until I after work. Felt some faint. Almost faint when I was back home. No more energy. I straight away sleep although no take a shower. I forgot my Penaldo was finished. But I not even ask my housemate then how can I go out buy? Well the only way I can do is sleep. In the midnight. I feel my body very hot. I wants to drink water. But I can't open my eyes. So tired. So that I sleep back.

ps: This feeling not good.

What is TIGER SHOW???

那一天，shiney和她几个比较熟的同事一起去吃午餐。

到了那间餐厅：

同事A：你有去过泰国玩噢？

同事B:有啊！跟旅行团去的。

同事C：听说那边的戏院跟我们的不一样的噢!

同事A：我记得我去的时候，我去那间很出名的戏院看。怎知道，看到一半你知道发生什么事吗？

Shiney:停电。

同事B：全部人走了。

同事A：不是。再猜。

同事B：不懂，猜不到。讲答案。

同事A：全部人站起来唱国歌。

哈哈……

同事A：还不止，看到一半竟然换带。其他人好像习惯了那样。你知道吗？我看到那边是最精彩，刺激得那部分，他竟然换带。

哈哈…………

同事B：除了去戏院你还有去哪里？你们有包括tiger show 吗？

What is Tiger Show???在我脑海里浮现出马戏团里的老虎表演。

同事A：有啊！很恶心~呕……

同事B：啊？

同事A：是啦！他们………………

经过那番谈话，我终于知道自己的无知。真的！Tiger Show! 我终于知道了！

ps：有机会我会看一次。一次就够了。。。

Resigned

Finally I resign. May be some of my friends will afraid that why I so fast to change the job. I would like to tell you this is as usual for me. Why? I also normal employee in this company. I also look for better position offering. I know that they will find some reason to stay me. Well, I really don't want to work in this company anymore. Even the other employees are nice except from few of them.

But the other trouble is I needs to find place and shift....

Ps: Again...again... and again....

别忘了！我是双鱼座！

今天，公司里有位笑里藏刀的女人。她是位很会装可怜，撇责任的女人。她故意为难我。我知道我只是公司里的一个小职员。以我在公司里摇摇欲醉的位置根本就不可能都得过她。可是面对他的为难我又能如何呢？你们知道答案吗？《人不为己，天诛地灭》就算是善良的双鱼座也是如此。

我想最恨又最保险的方法不过于利用她的‘姐妹’们的帮助来完成她的难题吧？

今天，因为我们伟大的accountant没有来，所以就要由她的assitant来代替工作。

Before 1.30p.m

A女：XX你的电话。

XX: 今天没有什么事不要接电话给我。我很忙！

A女：噢！（你自己说的。）

之后又一通电话很urgent的，A女把它盖了。

XX：你盖了电话噢？我在等他的电话啊！

A女：可是，盖了。这样你打回给他。

XX：我没有他的电话。这个电话只有MM有而已。哎哟！！！

Almost 1.30p.m(lunch time)

那个女的：shiney,你可以先在安排一个boy给我吗？Urgent的。

shiney:可以啊！可是能不能等我after lunch再安排？

那个女的脸当场就沉下来。 Shiney whatever 的走了。很好!这就是不要帮她做东西的后果。

我只知道对付笑里藏刀的人只好用这个方法了。

步骤一：装紧张！装无辜！

步骤二：无辜的眼神+ 跟那女差不多职位又是她的好姐妹之一的。

步骤三：照做那位好姐妹吩咐的。

王八蛋！你会装，我也不差！别忘了！我是双鱼座！可以比你狠！也可以比你善良、温柔！

ps:已经给了你机会，暗示你了！不要惹我！！！！我不能反击，至少我懂得一点点地自保方式！！！

The smile poisoning

The smile poisoning.... I understand that not everyone of you is kindness. In her smile have knife. I realize.

Pissed off

Yesterday, erm.. may be I shall say this early in the morning. Haven sunrise. Still in the dark. At around 2 a.m. What happened was a little kids was cried for his dad open the door for him. I guess he just around 7 or 8 years old. Either he smaller than this age. His was crying and crying. Beg his father to open the door for him. I just wonder why, why his father can do that to him? He still young. Small age. Some more the time is in mid night. Oh man.... This case continue until 3 a.m something. The whole night. I not sleep at all.

Well today, I very easy to get angry and I feel...feel complicated. I do not know what I think.
I feel tired... tired...and tired.... This job. yeah~ my responsibility.

ps: What the hell!!! Responsibility????!!!! It unfair for me!!!!!!! This company!!!!!!!!!

Funny? Or Tired?????

Feeling so tired now. Today...no may be I can say that I'll be busy never end. I'm really tired and tired. The work so much but salary is little. And I more feel like not worth when I working hard for this company. I thinking. Why should every time I settled those things then I leave the company. Why so kindness for them?

What was happened today was...

Uncle make a joke. haha... It funny. Due to yesterday cannot bank in the cash so today in the morning I needs to bank in. Finally, in this company got one relation of boss is know that our brings cash rushing in between the bank is so dangerous. But, yet, still don't have solution weather they decide to cut of this bank in method.

When he given me the cash he so shock and ask me ask some person to company me go to the bank. However, he said he will bring ' ka chang' follow us. haha.... His face so funny. I know is dangerous. But for what I think is he will run when something happened. May be he will not run[because he wants to show his manly=.=''] but he also cannot win the fight. Anywhere thank for him, at least he care for his employees' life.

Sorrow

Today I'm so busy. Why? Because I have been in holiday for 3 day... Friday's work bring until today. So that I needs to finish for 4 day work. I can't stop my hand also. And I was late today. Haih.... The LC girl is not here anymore. Now I know the reason why she rushing quick from this company.

How said???
If you interview is different from company rules how you think?
If your company is not that follow the rule what you think?
If the company almost face to bankruptcy and even late to pay you EPF or SOSSO ...Then what action you needs to take?

However, I heard something from my collage said that this company always late paid you EPF and SoSSO. Is not that I LC or I ji jiao. Is this is basic benefit you needs to pay for your employees. Even your company is short in capital. But why??? You try to cover up out of your forces?

Friends ask me why you always change job? My answer is if the company is worth, then I will work for you. But this company is toooooooo selfish. They not even care about employees' life. Even their employees is work hard for the company.

ps:My action will be taken...

Another Happy Day

也许是可以说是今天吧！因为我度过了一个温馨的新年。怎么说呢？我好久都没有尝试过这种生活了。真的好久。。。好怀念之前的日子。大家一起坐下来谈天说地。可是，唯一遗憾的是还没有到齐人呢！可是，没关系。可能这是最后一次了吧？